


Rain (Judas)

by Azurite9925



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Biblical References, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Episode 25: Silence, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied Character Death, L's last thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:57:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11982630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurite9925/pseuds/Azurite9925
Summary: L always wondered what would have happened if Judas never betrayed Jesus. Listening to the bells ring from a distance in the pouring rain, L knew he couldn't entertain those thought forever - after all, his own Judas was mere moments away from making his move.Or: a novelization of my favorite scenes from Death Note's Episode 25: Silence





	Rain (Judas)

**Rain (Judas)**

 

L had always loved thinking in the rain. 

He rarely had the opportunity to do so - he was always too busy with his cases and his successors and his cake and his alter egos to take the time to get soaked, to think about things that wouldn’t specifically help his deductive skills. Yet, as the rain soaked through his clothes and into his soul and smoothed the ruffled feathers of the back of his mind, he was glad that he could end his life so peacefully. Looking up at the sky, the corner of his lips twitched, amused, as he realized that the clouds wept for him now more than anyone he knew ever would for the rest of time. Not that he was bitter or wanting - he was glad that Watari was old and used to loss, that Near was young and didn’t care for him, that Matt was distracted and in love with Mello, that Mello was angry and filled with a passion for living. Light was the only one he worried about… or maybe he wouldn’t mourn L at all. L wasn’t too sure on that one.

The edge of his lips curled into a faint smile as he closed his eyes, feeling nothing but the rain’s cold caresses. Perhaps he will one day… 

Then again… most people considered it odd to mourn for someone you killed.

“Ryuuzaki? Why are you out there, in the rain?” the raven haired detective lazily opened his eyes, idly wondering how Light’s soft voice carried so perfectly through the harsh poundings of the rain from behind him. The detective turned partially and cupped his hand behind his ear, pretending he didn’t hear Light. He got the faintest feeling that the vain murderer was never too fond of the rain, as it could seep into even the most well-hidden of chambers of the mind, but L decided that Light should face the rain, at least today. 

Light repeated his question, L repeated his gesture, and Light stepped into the rain, pinching his lips together at the sensation of water hitting his clothes before striding forward to stand beside the detective. The raven haired man paid no heed to the brunette, turning back towards the skyline. They stood in silence filled with words neither of them would ever say.. 

The rain was apathetic to their emotions, rumbling on as it always did. L’s ears slowly trained on the faint, yet distinctly metallic sounds the drops would make when they hit the roof of the building about a kilometer away. They almost reminded L of… bells.

  
  


_ Although Wammy’s House was rather close to a church, none of the children ever noticed the bells ring during the day - too busy with classes and work and ideas and their own petty dreams. In the middle of the night, however, while he sat on the very roof of the house, the midnight bell’s resonance broke through the rain’s endless static and sent a vibration through L’s slender, soaked, frame. _

_ L couldn’t sleep. The 6 year old hadn’t slept for more than 3 hours in a single night, ever since he came to the orphanage a month ago. He was not disturbed. He simply left his room, walked up here, and watched the stars. After all, the library didn’t open until 4 am, and he had yet to figure out how to pick the lock to the kitchen’s pantry. _

_ Perhaps minutes, hours, or even days later, he heard a faint creak and startled - someone was coming! Quickly, he pressed himself to the wall beside the door’s hinges, so that the intruder wouldn’t see L when they came up here. He was confused - who could it possibly be? No one else usually awake at this time of night. Someone surely couldn’t have seen him from the streets? It was a stormy night and he was a small child - that would be unlikely. _

_ When the door opened fully, however, L glanced at the small gap underneath the door and frowned even further. It revealed the gray and white helm of a nun’s attire - the only nun in the orphanage today was Sister Amelia. Why was she here? L hoped she went back quickly - he really didn’t know what she would do if she found him up here.  _

_ Now if he could just stay quiet for a moment, she’d realize that there was no one there and she’d return back to her room and sleep… _

_ And then, he felt the tip of his nose twitch and dread filled him. _

_ No… not now… please… she was turning, almost gone, just one more minute, please... _

_ “ACHOO!” L sneezed, his small frame recoiling from the loud sneeze. Quickly, he ducked and curled into himself, convinced that if he became small enough, she wouldn’t be able to see him. He felt blood rushing from his head as he panicked - surely the Sister would be furious at him and punish him and maybe even throw him out for staying up so late oh god what was going to - _

_ “Lawliet?” _

_ He dared to peek up through his bangs and saw the concerned face of Sister Amelia hovering above his form. She stood there, tall and blonde and round face etched with wrinkles, under a large, blue umbrella that was currently shielding both him and her from the rain. His stomach dropped - what was going to happen now? A part of his mind realized that the wrinkle of her brow, the small frown, and the soft lilt of her words were gestures of concern rather than fury, but the majority of him wasn’t listening. He didn’t know her, not really. He was smaller than her, less experienced than her. He was powerless to her, should she be truly angry at him and want to do… well… something. _

_ “Lawliet, child, what’s the matter?” She asked, kneeling down so she could meet his eyes evenly. L stayed silent, eyes boring into her form. After a few moments, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, making him tense further. Sister Amelia blinked and then sighed, taking her hand away as if she realized everything from the look of panic in his eyes. “Lawliet, I’m not mad at you. Worried, yes, but not mad.”  _

_ L’s gaze turned suspicious.  _

_ “I mean it. Come now, why’re you up here, speak up.” She urged. _

_ L watched her for a moment longer. The blonde seemed to legitimately be worried for him, her green eyes shining like marbles with the emotion. He couldn’t completely understand it, but he decided to trust that… maybe she wouldn’t hurt him, yet. _

_ “Can’t sleep.” He mumbled, burrowing his head in between his chest and knees. “Don’t know why.”  _

_ “Nightmares?” She asked. _

_ “No. Just… I can’t sleep. I stay up here at night, and then go to the library in the morning.” he explained.  _

_ “I see…” she said. “The sleep deprivation must have gotten to you, silly child. You left the bottom door to the stairs open, I saw it.” She told. L considered banging his head against the floor - it was a rather stupid move on his part. “But when you can’t sleep, you shouldn’t come up here alone, it’s dangerous, and you could have caught a cold tonight. You don’t want to be sick, do you?” She asked. L shook his head. “Then come to my room. I’ll get you a warm glass of milk and I’ll help you sleep.” She assured him. _

_ L shook his head. “That won’t help.” He mumbled. _

_ “You can’t say that until you try it.” She pointed out. L shrugged and gingerly took himself out of his ball. She didn’t seem like she wanted to hurt him, but... L may need a new hiding spot for tomorrow night. Perhaps the back of the gardens, between the trees? It was hard to see that place from any of the windows, that could work… _

_ “Lawliet, come here.” She said, gesturing him to move closer to her. L eyed the gesture with skepticism and she rolled her eyes and huffed. “You are, perhaps, the most wary child I have ever met. Come here.” She repeated. L’s lips pinched, but he obeyed, sitting in front of her. The sister sighed. “No, on my lap, Lawliet.” She directed. L again put up a bit of fuss, but conceded and stiffly sat on her lap, very aware of the fact that he was dripping on her. For some reason, however, she didn’t seem to mind at all.  _

_ Lawliet’s frame froze even further when she began to card her fingers through his soaking hair. No one had ever done that to him, before. “You are such a skinny thing.” Amelia absently said. Noticing the boy’s tension, she began singing nursery rhymes under her breath in time to her strokes, smiling softly when she felt L begin to relax.  _

 

_ “Oranges and lemons say the bells of St. Clement's. _

_ You owe me five farthings say the bells of St. Martin's. _

_ When will you pay me? Say the bells of Old Bailey. _

_ When I grow rich, say the bells of Shoreditch. _

_ When will that be? Say the bells of Stepney. _

_ I do not know, says the great bell of Bow….” _

 

_ With the the resounding notes of the 1am bell, L fell asleep. _

  
  


_ I can hear the bells… _ he thought, cocking his head. Sister Amelia’s little nursery rhyme began to echo in the back of his mind, making his heart twinge with nostalgia. He remembered how Sister Amelia had found every hiding place he had made for himself, and patiently sang L to sleep with songs and later, bible stories, each and every time. L remembered such tales fondly - Sister Amelia would speak and sing with such reverence that he would be awed himself, and almost believe that… that someone was above. Sadly, those nightly rituals ended when he turned 8 and Sister Amelia had to leave to care for her sickly mother. She had died a year after her mother had, alone and depressed. After that… L learned a bit too much about the world to continue to believe in God. 

L cocked his head, a thought occurring to him.“Do you believe in God, Light?” L asked.

Light looked at L oddly. “Why do you ask? Rem told us that there is no God.”

L shrugged and rephrased his question. “Did you, before knowing?”

Light stayed silent, and L watched from the corner of his eyes as Light struggled to understand why L was asking such a question. To anyone else, it would look like Light was simply thinking, but L knew better. Light’s face was relaxed, but his eyes swirled with the depths of his own conflict. “I… don’t. Not in the Christian sense.” Light eventually said.

L nodded. He’d expected as much - after all, Light’s only God was himself. L almost wanted to smile at the irony of it all - the Shinigami had told them that there was no afterlife, that they became nothingness after death. Mu, was it? And the thought of that made L very, very tired. It made him wonder - just what was he fighting for? Why was he bothering, when he knew that everything would live and die and continue until a nonexistent end, regardless of what he said and did? Why was Light bothering, when he knew that his tenure as a God was temporary? L couldn’t understand it. 

_Well…_ The corner of L’s lip twitched. _I can understand, in a way. Light wants to be right. I want to be right. We’re both childish and hate to lose._

“What are you doing here, Ryuzaki?” Light finally asked.

“Nothing in particular.” He mumbled. “I just… hear the bells.”

Light’s eyebrows wrinkled. “Bells?”

“Yes… they’re rather loud today…” he murmured, stepping forward towards the edge of the roof. It was like an omen, an omen he had known was coming for a very, very long time…

Light walked up beside him, trying to see what he was seeing, much to L’s amusement. “I can’t hear  or see any bells.” Light stated. L’s features curled into the faintest of smiles.

“Really?” he said, his voice almost… teasing. Death was a liberating prospect in both the literal and emotional sense, it seemed. “You can’t hear them?” Of course Light couldn’t. He wasn’t the one who would ring the bell today. “It’s been ringing nonstop all day. I wonder if it’s a wedding or perhaps… a church?” He mused. 

Light’s face contorted into irritated bewilderment. “What’re you getting at, Ryuzaki?”

L shrugged, not wanting to irritate the teen. They didn’t need to fight on such a peaceful evening. “Nothing… I’m sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn’t believe any of it.” L suggested, a wry smile gracing his lips. 

The two stood in silence for moments longer. L’s was contemplative, as he considered becoming a raindrop himself, and Light simply stared at the other detective, wondering what he was on about. Frankly, Light was beginning to get tired of all these games, as evidenced by the sudden sigh L heard from him. Perhaps… perhaps that was why Light was putting him away. He was done playing with him. 

_How very like Near,_ he mused. L hoped the cold boy gave Light hell.

“You know, you’re right.” Light began, pulling L out of his thoughts, “Honestly, most the things you say sound like complete nonsense. There would be no end to my troubles if I actually took you seriously all the time. I probably know that better than anyone.” Light’s harsh words were delivered with a smile that would suggest to anyone but L that the boy was merely teasing. 

“That’s fair.” L admitted. It was. L knew he wasn’t an easy person to live and work with, especially not when chained to. “But I could say the same about you…” He said, causing a small wrinkle in the corner of the other’s mouth. L felt a question bubble from within him, and decided to ask Light, regardless of the consequences. “Tell me, Light; From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you’d actually told the truth?” He asked. From the corner of his eyes, L could see the entirety of Light’s life flash within those amber eyes, thrown for a loop at his question - a very short, one second loop, but a loop nonetheless. As Light began to reply with some contrived, political response, L couldn’t help but feel the rain weigh him down just a bit more. Even when their competition was almost over, Light stayed a walking charade. What had L expected?

At this rate, Light Yagami was going to make L feel like the most honest person on Earth.

“Let’s go inside.” L suggested. Light held up no argument.

As they dried off inside, L watched Light move to grab his towels and dry himself off with an almost practiced ease, with the same perfection Light had in the rest of his life. L found it almost ironic - Light, the boy with everything, and L, the boy with nothing, more different and more alike than either could ever perceive. Under the tinted gleam of the stained glass windows around them, L kneeled on a step below Light’s feet and gently grasped one possessed with an odd feeling he couldn’t quite define.

“W-what are you doing?” Light stuttered out, startled.

“You’re busy drying your hair. Let me help you out.” L simply said.

“It’s fine,” Light protested, failing to pull away from L’s grip, “You don’t have to do this.”

L smiled, a soft, deathly thing. “I can give you a massage as well.” He commented, before his features hardened, “It’s the least I can do to atone for my sins.” He stated, expressionless. Light watched L’s features with an unfathomable expression darkening those caramel eyes. L felt no emotion at the scrutiny, however. He simply waited for Light to acquiesce.

“Fine.” Light sighed, his mouth pinched in obvious discomfort. L nodded and slowly began to clean Light’s feet as he felt sense of poetic justice emerge from his core. Sister Amelia had once told him about Judas Iscariot, the betrayer. How he had betrayed Jesus and, in the end, had hanged himself for his sins. “The devil” of the saints, she had said. L almost smiled to himself at his own arrogance - he was washing Judas’ feet as if it was he who was Jesus. 

If only, if only, if only Judas had never betrayed…

“Here.” Light jarred him out of his thoughts. L looked up at the towel Light was offering, and realized that it wa because L’s hair was dripping on the boy’s feet. He minded, L noticed. L took the cloth and began to dry his own hair for a few minutes. 

“...I’m sorry.” He murmured, putting down the cloth and taking up Light’s other foot, ready to dry and massage it as well. L couldn’t, after all, leave a job half done.

“It’s fine.” Light murmured, though L was well aware that it was anything but fine.

A few minutes later, L glanced up to Light’s face through his bangs. “It’ll be lonely, won’t it?” he asked. Light’s eyebrows wrinkled and his lips pinched in obvious bewilderment, and L could no longer hold back his smile. Silly Judas, pretending innocence. L blinked. 

What was that song he had heard Miss Amane sing, days ago? _Careful what you do, ‘cause God is watching your every move_ … Such a haunting melody. L loved it.

“You and I will be parting ways soon.” L concluded. Light looked as if he was ready to question L’s words, but whatever he was going to say was interrupted by L’s phone.

Tranquillity shattered, L donned his expressionless face once more, taking the call, knowing exactly what it was for. He had to leave, it was ready. As he stood and headed towards the headquarters meeting room, he had to restrain himself from looking over the back of his shoulder to see Light’s expression, had to restrain himself from thinking too much about what would happen if Judas had not betrayed Jesus. 

After all, only after betrayal was Judas put in his place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
